Do you find yourself feeling unsure of how to act around people with disabilities? Having a disability may imply having to deal with social barriers. Interacting with someone with a disability can be equally awkward too. However, the most important part of interacting with someone with a disability is seeing that person for whom he or she is, and not what disability that person has.
This is where disability etiquette comes in. It is a set of guidelines, an unwritten rule, that deals specifically with how to approach a person with a disability. This also includes how to approach parents, guardians, or people related to someone with a disability. It gives a sense of how to interact with people with disabilities, together with the people that surround them in a respectful and courteous way.
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Communication Barriers with Challenged Individuals
It is only right to ask ourselves if we ever take the time to understand the problems and challenges that persons with disabilities face. The lack of understanding, perhaps, results in feeling awkward, unsure of how to react, or constantly thinking if we’re being respectful enough.
Sometimes, even well-intentioned people do not know how to talk about disabilities and accidentally use language that would come off as offensive. Choosing words that are acceptable communication can leave people tongue-tied. However, most often, the fear of offending the person with a disability can also leave one helpless in such a situation.
Culture, its social norms including language evolve. Thus, even language used to describe persons with disabilities changes over time as well.
Disability Etiquette: How to Effectively Use It
The use of “politically correct” words was unheard of before since past generations used clinical descriptions to describe various forms of disability. For instance, they used “imbecile” to describe a category of people with moderate to severe intellectual disability.
However as these clinical descriptions were used over time, persons with disabilities may have felt the weight of these descriptions that made them feel discriminated against and marginalized.
Then again, as the world acknowledged the sensitivities of this sector of society, the use of language to describe persons with disabilities has again changed to allow for inclusivity.
Being sensitive in the use of our language towards this community shows a great deal of empathy and consideration for their feelings. That is why it is important to redefine its concept as much as a more non-discriminatory, conscious approach. These approaches can help.
Disability Etiquette 1: Avoid Using Obvious Insults and Offensive
With all the differences in culture, language, gender, and belief, the use of words like idiot, imbecile, moron, retarded is just some of the universally insulting words. The use of these words is inadmissible especially in conversations these days.
According to Rumi, a Sufi mystic and one of the greatest poets of all time, there are 3 gates of speech.
At the first gate, ask yourself “Is it true?”
“Is it necessary?”
At the third gate, ask, “Is it kind?”
On that account, we use “Are you hard of hearing?” instead of saying “Are you deaf/blind?” to people who manifest themselves.
Naturally, not all people will be wary of their words and some might find it time-consuming just to pick an appropriate term. In this case, when possible, ask the person with a disability how he or she would like to be described. People may want different levels of disclosures. In other words, some people may feel more comfortable discussing their disability while others may feel differently about sharing their situation. Regardless of their preference, we must always avoid offensive language even as a joke.
Disability Etiquette 2: Be Objective, Stick to Facts, and Simple Descriptions
Due to the perceived sensitivity, people tend to overthink and overemphasize their words to talk about disability which sometimes causes controversial language. By shying away from simple descriptions like ‘disability’, we may reinforce the idea that disability is something to be ashamed of. The goal of using simple, factual descriptions is to avoid appearing condescending. Terms like differently-abled, challenged, special needs are generally well-intended but they could also be viewed as an obvious effort to be kind, nice, or cheerleading.
However, to some persons with disabilities, this might feel downright sentimental and even condescending. People with disabilities simply living their lives do not exist to inspire others. The main alternative is to simply answer with facts. We can name specific types of disability like cerebral palsy, amputee, blind, or etc. We can also use generic terms like disability or disabled – this will at least provide general knowledge without disclosing specific types of disability whether physical, mental, cognitive, learning, or sensory.
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Disability Etiquette 3: Respect their Use of Language
Blind since a young age and a self-taught legal activist, Chen Guangcheng, said: “How a society treats its disabled is the true measure of a civilization”
Our challenge worldwide is that time and time again, the exclusion of disabled people is assumed to be not ‘unfair’, nor ‘inequitable’, but well, natural and unavoidable. That is why we follow a civic responsibility to treat people differently to treat them fairly. Generally, this means making adjustments for certain individuals and removing barriers for groups.
When interacting with persons with disabilities, pay attention to their preferences when using disability language. Remember not to insist on your own choice of words, let alone lecture them on correct terminology. Respect their preferences.
It takes a great deal of discernment and a real sign of personal growth to compromise one’s earnest opinion as opposed to someone who has direct experience over the matter.
The understanding of disability language continues to evolve. What remains essential is that we remain mindful of the diversity in the community.
